Dairyless Broccoli Soup with Rye Croutons - Just Say No

 

Looks good, tastes bad.

I like broccoli. I really do. But I can't handle eating broccoli every day for two weeks. There just comes a point when I have to rebel against the broccoli overlord and demand that the broccoli leave the dinner table. But the broccoli overlord does not like to waste food, even if he did purchase it for cheap. What is this crazy I am spewing? You see, my dad bought the massive bag o' broccoli at Costco. While I support the purchase of many foodstuffs in large quantities (ice cream, tomatoes, non-banana fruits, ice cream, nuts, luna bars, cheese, ice cream, baking supplies), I do  not support the purchase of three-pound bags of broccoli. There are only so many ways to eat broccoli. I made roasted sesame broccoli, ate it in my salads, and let it onto my plate in steamed form. My brother and I even got my mom to complain about the broccoli.

Relying on my sharp, lawyerly logical reasoning skills, I came up with a plan to save my family from the broccoli overlord. My thought process went as follows:

(1) Wasting food will piss off my dad.
(2) Pissing off my dad will make him cranky.
(3) A cranky dad annoys me.
(4) Eating broccoli annoys me.
(5) If my dad is not cranky, and I am not annoyed (the best case scenario), that means no food was wasted and the broccoli has disappeared.
(6) Therefore, in order to maintain sanity, I must figure out a way to not waste food and get rid of the broccoli as quickly and painlessly as possible.
(7) Making broccoli soup gets rid of all of the broccoli in one sitting and does not waste food.
(8) Therefore, I should make broccoli soup.

And this, my dear readers, is what a degree from a top 20 law school will get you: the ability to rationalize the cooking of broccoli soup. 

I only wish such a degree provided me with the ability to unfailingly choose good recipes and make good food. Unfortunately, it does not, and this dish proves that. So, my suggestion to those of you who wish to take on the task of broccoli soup: use cream. Always use cream.* Broccoli should be a dairy-based soup and have tons of cheddar in it. Broccoli soup without cream is kind of like eating broccoli sludge, even if you do add the cheddar in later. I hope you never have the opportunity to eat broccoli sludge (or be faced with a three-pound bag of broccoli).

*I did not make a cream-based soup because milk fat and I are not digestive friends. I will not be making broccoli soup in the future for this reason.